Mitt Rebuffs “Blackface” Charge

Darktown, GA—In an address to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) last night, it was noted by several observers that presidential hopeful Mitt Romney appeared to be in “blackface.” A campaign spokesman allowed that the makeup may have been “inelegantly applied,” but any appearance of the governor’s increased pigmentation was primarily caused by “poor lighting and shenanigans from Jimmy Carter’s grandson.”

In a striking change of tactic from his usual vague message, Romney afforded attendees with a concrete plan on immigration issues and getting Americans back to work. “The way I see it, we don’t really need Mexican farm labor, nor do they want that kind of work when they can be sucking from the public burrito. I’m half-Mexican, and I don’t work on a farm.”

He continued: “47% of Americans feel entitled to food — much of it grown on farms — my plan would be for, for, the Latinos to go home and you people, you Americans of Color people, to move back to your “roots” and work the fields. Americans need grapes, and we need them picked by American hands. Now, you’re not entitled to pay — that’s for the job creators — but good, simple housing and food — good farm food — will make your family strong with the values of our forefathers.”

When reminded that traditionally, slaves don’t contribute federal income tax, Romney replied, “I can never convince them to take personal responsibility, but I can eat a lot of grapes. Lettuce, too, but mostly grapes. I just love ‘em.”