Category: Sausage

  • New Pope Named

    New Pope Named

    In a surprised move, the Vatican announced today that the new pope has eschewed the tradition of choosing a name based on that of a former pope or saint. A spokesman explained, “The impact of the brief tenure of the first Jean-Paul, followed by the beloved Jean-Paul II cannot be overstated. Our current holiness has…

  • Santavirus Outbreak

    Santavirus Outbreak

    This was my holiday greeting card in 1993. The public health scare of the day was hantavirus, leading to acute respiratory pulmonary distress syndrome, caused by contact with the dreaded, evil deermouse. No penguins were involved. See if you can pronounce the name of the North Polish spokesman.

  • Sumatran Rainbow Tiger Found

    Sumatran Rainbow Tiger Found

    (Sumatra, Indonesia)—Scientists have announced the discovery of what they believe to be a new subspecies of Panthera tigris, living on one of the islands of Indonesia. Dubbed the “rainbow tiger,” it lives in the high cloud forest of Sumatra. It is unknown whether they exist on other islands. Scientists have spent the last 18 months…

  • Mitt Rebuffs “Blackface” Charge

    Mitt Rebuffs “Blackface” Charge

    Mitt Rebuffs “Blackface” Charge Darktown, GA—In an address to the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) last night, it was noted by several observers that presidential hopeful Mitt Romney appeared to be in “blackface.” A campaign spokesman allowed that the makeup may have been “inelegantly applied,” but any appearance of the governor’s…